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Growing up with a narcissistic mother11/28/2023 ![]() Instead of having time alone with friends there was your parent, demanding attention. Your parent tried to charm any of your friends who came over. Some narcissistic parents will amuse themselves by setting children against each other, encouraging them to fight for affection. Again, guilt and shame are the tools used against you.īy: Brandon Satterwhite 11. Your father is late home from work again? It’s because you leave your toys everywhere, which makes him not want to come home. Your mother is tired? You wore her out talking, or by daring to be in the room at all. You were blamed for things you didn’t do. Anything less would be seen as an act of betrayal. The rule was to always act like your home life was wonderful. You were not allowed to seem weak in public. So if you perchance saw your parent crying, too drunk, or making a fool of themselves? You might be punished for it, such as being ignored or treated as if it was your fault for ‘spying’. You were punished for seeing your parent act at less than their best.Ī narcissist needs to be admired. ![]() You would simply be met with fury and punishment. There would be no chance to explain why you did what you did or defend yourself. You lived on eggshells because of their temper.Ī narcissistic parent is quick to anger. Or called you a baby, or other unkind names. Perhaps they told the other parent or your siblings a funny story about it all later, in front of you, mocking you. Shame and guilt are main tools of narcissistic parenting. Having such emotions meant being shamed or belittled. They are unable to know what they really feel or need as adults as they spent their life hiding such things. Many children of narcissistic parents grow up with identity issuesbecause of this. And having emotions they didn’t like was part of that. You weren’t allowed to ‘upset’ your parent. Sadness, anger, being moody? Not allowed. Whereas healthy parenting or even good enough parenting embraces a child disagreeing or developing his own ideas? Narcissistic parenting demands agreement. Questioning what you were told was not an option.Īgain, you were to be in line with your narcissistic parent, and their ideas and desires. ![]() When you became an older child and perhaps dared to notice your parent wasn’t doing something other parents were? Or even made a hint that your parent wasn’t doing things right? This would be met with quick anger or punishment, such as in the form of withdrawn affection or ‘suddenly’ being unable to afford your school trip. A narcissistic parent would encourage this, asking you if they are pretty, or if you think they are the best, making sure you know their previous accomplishments. Admiration was required.Īs very young children we naturally look up to our parents. Or to have a career they wanted but weren’t allowed to go for. Were expected to go to a certain university they did. Played the violin or piano or a certain sport because they did, or wanted to but were never given the opportunity. You wore the clothes they wanted their child dressed in. They lived out their wishes and dreams through you. Even when you are a grown up yourself, you are supposed to be what they want. The difference is that a narcissistic parent refuses to ever see you as an individual. Many parents can fall into having unfair expectations, being controlling at times, or demanding you make them proud. Instead of being encouraged to have your own personality, you parent expected you to make them look good. 1.Your parent saw you as an extension of them. They might just have narcissistic traits. *Note that ‘ narcissistic parenting’ does not necessarily imply your mother, father, or guardian has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Often wonder if your current issues have to do with the way you were parented? And worry that the lack of unconditional love but copious amounts of control you dealt with as a child might mean you suffered narcissistic parenting?Ī study published in the International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy that interviewed over 400 young adults directly linked adolescent anxiety and depression with having a narcissistic parent.
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